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Currently listening to the chorus of 'You're the Voice' (John Farnham) on repeat. I made a short video with some encouraging comments from my mental health YouTube channel, Bipolar Courage. I spent hours in hyperfocus last night, to complete the blog post. Just going to write a short blog post, while listening to that part of the song, as I feel burnt out. Will be stepping back to paint etc for a bit.  "Moody Storm"
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Supportive comments from my mental health YouTube channel, Bipolar Courage. Sometimes, I feel like deleting it, mainly because of harrassment from trolls. I have screenshot some of the supportive comments as a compilation here. I have never been paid for my advocacy efforts, nor do I wish to be. My main goal when starting Bipolar Courage was to reduce stigma. I don't even like to call myself an 'advocate' anymore. Thank you for expressing your appreciation. I appreciate it.  I recently spoke at a public hearing about proposed changes to community arts grants. Under the new proposed criteria, I would probably have not have been approved funding (just NZ$500 twice) for my art as therapy solo exhibitions. It was a life-changing experience and even though speaking is stressful for me, I spoke up, on behalf of others in the community who may potentially benefit.  'More Than Good Enough' (painted at an exhibition about the mixed emotions exhibiting) I've had a very busy and stressful week, which included a car crash and doing a painting. Painting was actually some time out but I don't have an art studio, so paints everywhere in my bedroom become more stress, so they have to go away until I'm ready to do another painting. In the middle of this, I was notified that I was awarded a Red Ribbon for my memoir, Bipolar Courage: Are You Sure You're Not Autistic?  I am currently retreating into gentle music with headphones. To drown out environmental sounds which are causing me extra stress (especially sounds like other people's speaking voices). Doctors called my heightened sensitivity to sound 'hyperacusis', which is experiencing discomfort and even pain with sounds that don't bother other people.  Sun Flutter, acrylics on canvas by Xanthe Wyse I've just been through a hard drive to delete stuff I don't need anymore. There are still a heap of photos I took during a time when I was struggling. I haven't deleted all of them yet, as they are connected to my writing (inspired by my experiences, trying to communicate what bipolar disorder with post-traumatic stress disorder, PTSD are like). I find a photo diary to be helpful for my creative process. At times in my life, I will take a lot of photos, of things that other people ignore (or don't even notice). At the time, they had significance to me, of something I was processing (grief, trauma) or linked to themes of things felt inspired to create (also processing). I recently made the decision to move out of the family home and go flatting (for the first time in nearly 30 years). Other than that, since my divorce, I had lived in a hostel for a year (full of druggies and boozers). I made this decision after Mum decided to put the house on the market, after Dad died three months ago. I moved nearly two weeks ago, to live with a young family. Coinciding with my move, I received an email from Accident Compensation Corporation (ACC) stating they would be making a lump sum payment for impairment for my mental injury of posttraumatic stress disorder, PTSD.  Love Lies Bleeding (processing trauma in mania episode) Will try keep this short as I have a pile of stuff out on my bedroom floor (sorting) and there is an open home tomorrow. After a three-year battle, I finally won against Accident Compensation Corporation (ACC) for a lump sum payment for my mental injury of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). I'm not going to go into detail in this post, as I haven't even read the doctor's report yet. Although it is satisfying that the doctor who assessed in my favour used to work for ACC. After seeing me on a 'good' day, at my 'best.' After years of therapy.  I am currently sorting my minimal possessions, preparing to move, as the house (not my house) is on the market. I came across a printed copy of a blog post from a deleted blog from around 2008 (15 years ago). The blog was when my name was a pen name (now my legal name). Only a few snippets of my writing survived. I wrote the blog post when I was diagnosed with 'treatment resistant' depression and generalised anxiety disorder (later changed to bipolar 1 disorder and post-traumatic stress disorder, PTSD).  One of my recent bird pics. A kaka. Just revisting some journal entries from five years ago, when I had my first solo art exhibition (which I pitched as an art as therapy exhibition). I'd set a 'ridiculous goal' of an exhibition when I was severely unwell and struggling. My main diagnoses are bipolar disorder and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). I still have permanent disabililty after treatment. I did the painting below, More than Good Enough, during that exhibition. It expressed the mixed feelings of the exhibition process. I didn't put prices on the paintings, as I didn't want people to judge. One of the main reasons I did the exhibition is because I didn't feel good enough and that my art wasn't good enough (in fact, most of my art in the past ended up at the dump).  More Than Good Enough, acrylics on canvas by Xanthe Wyse. |
Xanthe Wyse('Zan-thee Wise'). 
Disclaimer: the author of this blog is not an expert by profession and her opinions should not be taken as expert advice.
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