Will try keep this short as I have a pile of stuff out on my bedroom floor (sorting) and there is an open home tomorrow.
After a three-year battle, I finally won against Accident Compensation Corporation (ACC) for a lump sum payment for my mental injury of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). I'm not going to go into detail in this post, as I haven't even read the doctor's report yet. Although it is satisfying that the doctor who assessed in my favour used to work for ACC. After seeing me on a 'good' day, at my 'best.' After years of therapy.
The flower pic above is one of my first pics with my new phone which I got on sale. Finally updated my phone after four years. Looks like it might do better pics than my old one. I like to take my own reference pics, which sometimes inspire a painting.
While sorting, I pulled out a scrapbook and flicked through it. The image below is what I wrote five years ago, at my first solo art exhibition. I've had two solo art as therapy exhibitions plus entered a piece here and there into group community exhibitions.
'Not a professional artist. Keep as outlet for me. Have shared what helps me. Have achieved goal. Selling any was a bonus. My self-worth is not based on whether people like my art or want to buy them.'
I sold a dozen paintings at the exhibition. Not enough to live off (I don't have output to make a living from it) but it was a big deal for me as I didn't think my art was 'good enough.'
Not sure if I've already said but trademarks for both Soar Purpose® and Bipolar Courage® came through. It's inexpensive to trademark in New Zealand and it gives some protections to a lot of my efforts. One does not need to have a business to trademark a 'brand'.
I decided to delete the bipolarcourage.com domain name, while putting my things in order. I can still see what was on the website even though it's no longer public. My biggest efforts under Bipolar Courage was the vlog on YouTube and then the memoir, Bipolar Courage: Are You Sure You're Not Autistic?
For now, I will leave most of my advocacy work up. Although, I was amused a new subscriber today said they subscribed because of the belly video (my sense of humour). Soarpurpose.com is my only domain name now, with a focus on creative expression. The main reason I dump domain names, is to move on plus I don't want the extra expense to renew them.
The memoir hasn't had much attention over the last three months, since my Dad died. I will be opening it up to other major email distributors early December.
My main writing goal is Soar Purpose, the sequel to Pet Purpose: Your Unspoken Voice. I just haven't been up to writing lately. I have however been organising snippets from a few dozen journals before burning them, as part of preparation for moving. Plus to organise any insights I might want to include in the book. I see Soar Purpose as the final book inspired by my lived experience.
I'm in a time of transition and it's very stressful. The house is on the market, my mother is moving away and I will have no choice but to go flatting for the first time in decades.
I've had discrimination when looking for a room to rent. I was asked if I'm violent. Told I can't rent a place after the landlord found out I'm a beneficiary, even though I work part-time.
I sold my little digital piano as I wasn't playing it as much as I hoped. Plus I am trying to reduce my very little possessions further in preparation for a move. The new owner is coming to collect it tomorrow.
I have limited energy and resources, so my main focus is visual arts and writing, with Soar Purpose®. Even though my passion is creative expression as therapy, I quite often am too burnt out, exhausted and overwhelmed to do much.
I've been on a healing journey. It hasn't been easy but I have grown a lot along the way. I saw something in a journal from five years ago, that someone said she was inspired by me and that healing and curing are two different things. I am not 'cured'. I have done a lot of healing.
Also, a recurring theme in my journals was my need to have a voice, even if no one hears me. Although I did want to be heard. I still haven't fully processed the outcome from ACC yet. The doctor said to me at asssessment, 'It shouldn't be called compensation, as nothing can compensate. It's an entitlement.' It shouldn't have had to be that hard.
I'll talk more about it soon, after I read the report. I've been too burnt out to vlog but I might do an update video at some stage.
If you would like to show my books some love, I have linked them below (available as ebook and paperback). They are both about relationships with disabilities (focus on bipolar, PTSD, autism spectrum).
It's hard for independent authors to get their books seen, so reviews (Amazon, Goodreads) and letting others know about them is appreciated.
Disclaimer: the author of this blog is not an expert by profession and her opinions should not be taken as expert advice.