Will try to keep this short, as I have wet hair that needs drying, late at night.
I've had to sleep a lot the past few weeks, as I've had the flu then recovered from that, then had surgery. Still recovering from that. I'm still on track though to self-publish my memoir by mid-September, even though I had a break from it.
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I did it! Yay! Nearly two years of effort and I have written my third book. Although it's not quite ready yet, to release to the world. Just some final polishing, still underway.
It's a huge milestone, at the stage where authors would send to their copyeditor. Only, as an indie author, I am the copyeditor, proof-reader etc (a friend is helping out with the proof-reading). I've already been doing some copy-editing (improving readability etc, yet I want to retain my 'voice'). I'm quietly excited. No big parties, just a quick blog post from my room, which I will follow up with a gluten-free donut and ice-cream (spotted the donuts yesterday and couldn't resist). Shedding some tears, listening to Missing You (John Waite) on a loop, as I am nearing completion of my manuscript for Bipolar Courage: are you sure you're not autistic? It's an unconventional love story.
'Zander' is my son. 'Maxwell' is a man I had an intense connection with. (Not their real names). Both diagnosed Asperger's Syndrome (since merged into Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD). I've been separated from Zander since he looked like the portrait. I tend to paint my stories before I write them. I've included a few extracts from my manuscript, below. Just a quick blog post to download some thoughts in my head. I went for a walk today and stopped to take a pic of this bloom. I think it's a magnolia blossom. The buds are fuzzy. It's really important to get some exercise in as self-care, when working on projects like writing books.
I have only two more chapters to edit/re-write out of 31 for my memoir. All going well, I'm on track to self-publish it next month. I wanted to include a little bit about why I change my name, in case I edit it out (if I have way more pages than expected when do further formatting). Been having a few days off from working on my memoir. Mainly because I had a mood crash. I'm trying to avoid talking too much about detail about my mental health on this blog, although I still have struggles, whether I say something, or not. My primary diagnoses are bipolar disorder (type 1) and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and I see them as medical conditions, not my entire identity. One of the reasons I moved away from my advocacy as Bipolar Courage, is that I wanted to focus more on my other passionate hobbies, especially to do with creative expression.
I'm having a bit of time out from working on my memoir, as I'm burnt out out with it at the moment. The main reason my book projects take so long, is that I need lots of breaks after intense sessions of working on them.
In my last blog post, I wrote about brats. I had a therapy session with a clinicial psychologist today and I mentioned how I observed the brat to be a role played in a dynamic where one didn't get enough healthy attention as a child. It can be a situation where a sibling needed more attention. My psychologist said it can go two ways. The brat or the perfect child. I was the perfect child. I see this as a role. I'll try explain a little more. I've been working on the manuscript for my second memoir, Bipolar Courage: are you sure you're not autistic?
The book is mainly about an intense online connection with an autistic man, whom I have called Maxwell. Xavier is my son who shares a diagnosis of Asperger's Syndrome with Maxwell. Leo is Xavier's father. Patricia is a psychologist (she said she's honoured to be in the book, by the way). All names are changed, of course. I've just written a draft section that might be still be condensed or even have some edited out. I wanted to share the extract here, under 'Maternity Ring.' Currently listening to music, while deleting raw videos (most of which went onto my now archived vlog as Bipolar Courage. No intentions of writing a blog post. Listening to music makes tedious tasks less tedious. Decluttering my digital files now and again is like decluttering my mind. I have privated a good chunk of the videos, which mainly serve as a library for myself, when I want to check on various themes when I am writing.
I let the songs choose themselves, just skipping if I don't like something. 'Don't Speak' (No Doubt) was playing when I got up to these photos. My old laptop smashed with a sledgehammer. It's symbolic why I did it. I might detail in my novel exactly why I did it. (Clue: diagnosed with shut down presentation of PTSD). I did a bit of work on my memoir this past week. Then, tonight, I decided to have another sort out. Some things got burned, some put into another location. It's like sorting out my mind, as I've processed things. Whatever I have kept has the potential to be used later, creatively.
I'm actually avoiding currently. Avoiding getting back to a project that I am determined to complete in 2023 (my second memoir, Bipolar Courage).
I don't want to harp on much about my diagnoses on this blog. I will mention in this post that I am diagnosed with the avoidance and shutdown presentation of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). I am into my 5th year of treatment and my psychologist has applied to extend therapy to the end of this year. I have improved a lot, yet I still struggle and I didn't really want to continue with detailing how in my old blog and vlog on bipolarcourage.com. Part of me feels like I could just delete it all but then I put goodness knows how many hours of effort into it. It takes courage to be vulnerable and show the raw stuff. Recently I have been transitioning away from advocacy stuff (a 15-year journey in all) and I've been hyperfocussed on setting up this website (using self-taught skills). In this blog post, I want to try say how avoidance can actually result in getting stuff done. |
Xanthe Wyse('Zan-thee Wise'). Disclaimer: the author of this blog is not an expert by profession and her opinions should not be taken as expert advice.
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