Extract from my journal from over 5 years ago, when I was starting therapy for post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD):
"I won a positivity award at work…Seems ironic as feeling so negative internally about it. Might paint Snowball – a longhaired fluffy white cat…with purplish eyes…a book cover for Pet Purpose? What is her hope?"
0 Comments
I've actually been a writer for many years, but most of it hasn't seen the light of day. I've even destroyed a lot of what I have written. The raw stuff (journals etc) can inspire books later. I spend years writing my books, as I am processing plus working with disabilties that affect my cognition and memory.
I had some space last night to go through some of the extracts I'd torn from journals from 2017-2019. The rest of the 8 journals were burned recently. I recently published a memoir. After the intense focus to get it finished, the frustrating parts of the self-publishing process, the triumph after finally achieving some huge goals, I felt down. This tends to happen for me, with accomplishments and it can be exaggerated with bipolar disorder (now managed best I can).
I had therapy today and I want to touch on that. I'm now at a stage where I'm more maintaining my mental health, rather than actively processing trauma. Hence moving beyond advocacy. Will try to keep this short, as I have wet hair that needs drying, late at night.
I've had to sleep a lot the past few weeks, as I've had the flu then recovered from that, then had surgery. Still recovering from that. I'm still on track though to self-publish my memoir by mid-September, even though I had a break from it. I did it! Yay! Nearly two years of effort and I have written my third book. Although it's not quite ready yet, to release to the world. Just some final polishing, still underway.
It's a huge milestone, at the stage where authors would send to their copyeditor. Only, as an indie author, I am the copyeditor, proof-reader etc (a friend is helping out with the proof-reading). I've already been doing some copy-editing (improving readability etc, yet I want to retain my 'voice'). I'm quietly excited. No big parties, just a quick blog post from my room, which I will follow up with a gluten-free donut and ice-cream (spotted the donuts yesterday and couldn't resist). Shedding some tears, listening to Missing You (John Waite) on a loop, as I am nearing completion of my manuscript for Bipolar Courage: are you sure you're not autistic? It's an unconventional love story.
'Zander' is my son. 'Maxwell' is a man I had an intense connection with. (Not their real names). Both diagnosed Asperger's Syndrome (since merged into Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD). I've been separated from Zander since he looked like the portrait. I tend to paint my stories before I write them. I've included a few extracts from my manuscript, below. Just a quick blog post to download some thoughts in my head. I went for a walk today and stopped to take a pic of this bloom. I think it's a magnolia blossom. The buds are fuzzy. It's really important to get some exercise in as self-care, when working on projects like writing books.
I have only two more chapters to edit/re-write out of 31 for my memoir. All going well, I'm on track to self-publish it next month. I wanted to include a little bit about why I change my name, in case I edit it out (if I have way more pages than expected when do further formatting). Been having a few days off from working on my memoir. Mainly because I had a mood crash. I'm trying to avoid talking too much about detail about my mental health on this blog, although I still have struggles, whether I say something, or not. My primary diagnoses are bipolar disorder (type 1) and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and I see them as medical conditions, not my entire identity. One of the reasons I moved away from my advocacy as Bipolar Courage, is that I wanted to focus more on my other passionate hobbies, especially to do with creative expression.
I'm having a bit of time out from working on my memoir, as I'm burnt out out with it at the moment. The main reason my book projects take so long, is that I need lots of breaks after intense sessions of working on them.
In my last blog post, I wrote about brats. I had a therapy session with a clinicial psychologist today and I mentioned how I observed the brat to be a role played in a dynamic where one didn't get enough healthy attention as a child. It can be a situation where a sibling needed more attention. My psychologist said it can go two ways. The brat or the perfect child. I was the perfect child. I see this as a role. I'll try explain a little more. I've been working on the manuscript for my second memoir, Bipolar Courage: are you sure you're not autistic?
The book is mainly about an intense online connection with an autistic man, whom I have called Maxwell. Xavier is my son who shares a diagnosis of Asperger's Syndrome with Maxwell. Leo is Xavier's father. Patricia is a psychologist (she said she's honoured to be in the book, by the way). All names are changed, of course. I've just written a draft section that might be still be condensed or even have some edited out. I wanted to share the extract here, under 'Maternity Ring.' |
Xanthe Wyse('Zan-thee Wise'). Disclaimer: the author of this blog is not an expert by profession and her opinions should not be taken as expert advice.
Archives
January 2025
Categories
All
|