I still haven't done everything on my list, since I published my book. Partly because I haven't felt motivated to, as my Dad died the same week.
Last night I cleared out a few things from my wardrobe. I came across some notebooks with amusing anecdotes from when my son was little. This anecdote keeps playing through my head.
One of the great things about being an independent 'indie' author, is that I can choose my own publication date. With flexibility to move things around, if I need to.
I had therapy today (for PTSD). My clinicial psychologist asked, 'Why September?' as that's the month I'm aiming for. In this blog post, I'll give a few reasons why, with a little context.
A very talented artist friend asked me if I'd intended for my fire goddess painting to be named 'Devine' rather than 'Divine.' I actually checked back and her name is definitely 'Devine.' She's mentioned in my memoir, now in the polishing stages.
I don't want to drastically alter the manuscript, so I've been writing some blog posts with additional linked information, for those interested in my creative process.
The memoir I'm currently finalising, is probably way more accurate than a typical memoir, as I've spent a lot of time cross-checking my journals, vlog etc. I decided to cross-check about the origins of why I chose 'Devine.'
Just another draft extract from my memoir, that I've just written, going off on a little tangent. Tangents are my thing, so I can't avoid them completely. I decided to share it here, just in case it doesn't make the final cull (for practicalities of book length). It's an unconventional love story.
I've been working on the manuscript for my second memoir, Bipolar Courage: are you sure you're not autistic?
The book is mainly about an intense online connection with an autistic man, whom I have called Maxwell. Xavier is my son who shares a diagnosis of Asperger's Syndrome with Maxwell. Leo is Xavier's father. Patricia is a psychologist (she said she's honoured to be in the book, by the way). All names are changed, of course.
I've just written a draft section that might be still be condensed or even have some edited out. I wanted to share the extract here, under 'Maternity Ring.'
I did a bit of work on my memoir this past week. Then, tonight, I decided to have another sort out. Some things got burned, some put into another location. It's like sorting out my mind, as I've processed things. Whatever I have kept has the potential to be used later, creatively.
My last blog post on this blog was how avoidance and tangents actually resulted in my getting things done. My last blog post though was on my 'old' blog for Bipolar Courage, because I felt it fit there better: 'My enemies made me stronger'.
Will try keep this blog post as brief as possible.
I wrote a blog post about being compelled to create. I think everyone has the capacity to be creative in some way or another but for some, like myself, it's comes naturally and is very significant to my wellbeing. It could actually be detrimental to my wellbeing if I had to create for others for commerical purposes with deadlines etc.
The painting below was some years ago. It was my take using a reference photo as a guide (even though my version looks completely different). It was with some lessons with a professional artist, who did not force her style onto any of the students. We could chose what we wanted to paint and our own styles were encouraged. We were also learning skills such as various techniques.
I finished the painting off at home. The boat with the little people was completely improvised to cover the 'dog poop rocks'. The professional artist replied with 'we've all had dog poop rocks.' The fern motif was improvised as well. Improvising is definitely creative problem-solving. Someone adopted that painting but I paint quite differently now, further developing my own style with experimentation.
'Maxwell' (whom I'm writing about in my memoir) said that I'm 'compelled to create.' I was thinking today about what being creative means to me. Of course, this is also a complex interaction with other traits, such as my introversion and mental health struggles (both of which Maxwell also has). I think Maxwell is also a creative, yet hasn't fully untapped his creative potential yet. Some of our shared traits is why we connected, I think. Other than mutual attraction.
Whereas, a creative who is extroverted and who doesn't have mental health struggles may have quite different characteristics. I recall some years back, someone mentored me and said I was yet to fulful my creative potential. This person was right. Now my creative expression is my entire meaning of life.
I'll make a list of creative traits that apply to me. The painting below, Soar Purpose, was inspired by my connection with Maxwell. Which also inspired the title of a novel I am still writing called Soar Purpose and this blog.
My brain is extremely fatigued but I decided to start another blog post anyway. When fatigued, it's much harder to string sentences together, to be understood. However, my blog is minimally edited and an outlet in between my bigger projects. I also forget what I've just written or typed. Yet, it's all a form of processing.
Writing is more challenging for me, as I have clinicially recognised cognitive impairments. I find it easier to paint. I don't actually need to use much cognition at all to paint. It's just improvised on intuition (I usually listen to music that fits my mood so I can process intense themes plus it stops any overthinking). Painting is energising and calming for me at the same time, like meditation in motion. When my brain is too scrambled for words, and I don't know what I'm feeling, painting is my go to.