It's after 11pm on 25 December 2023 as I write this blog post. Christmas is full of expectations and triggers. I spent Christmas on my own but not completely alone. I didn't meet up with family.
The family in the household I am now flatting with are new to living in New Zealand and don't celebrate Christmas. They were surprised I didn't go to church. I am not religious, after being raised Christian. I won't go into all the reasons here why Christmas can be so triggering but one reason is grief.
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I felt overwhelmed, burnout with low mood today. I didn't make it to work today after two weeks annual leave. I'm not going to detail here why I am so stressed (other than linked to my Dad dying recently).
I talked to a doctor today and she said she could issue me a medical certificate but that won't change the stressful circumstances linked to the bereavement. She suggested trying to get back into a routine, which includes my part-time job. I spent most of the day in hibernation, emerging for a walk in the evening. In this blog post, I would like to highlight aspects of my annual leave. A tradition in my family was to watch the old home movies Dad recorded, back in the days of film. We used to crowd around the tiny fridge to see the image projected onto it. Or in the lounge, with the old movies (without audio) were projected onto a rollup screen.
Dad recorded home movies from over 15 to 50+ years ago, switching technology a few times. Dad died a few weeks ago but what he captured, lives on. Note: this is not legal advice.
I have been avoidant about doing my will since my marriage breakup and divorce. I've been processing grief (mainly from being separated from my son by country) for years. The grief was tangled with my trauma and I am grateful that I had paid for therapy over the past 5 years, which has helped me to be able to cope with recent events. My Dad died just over a week ago. He had a will and made known verbally his wishes, yet after the shitshow that happened (which I am not going to detail), I have made it an urgent priority to do my will. I also hadn't bothered as I own hardly anything. After talking to a solicitor, he had me come in the next day. My will should be ready to sign and it will be lodged in secure deposit by Monday. I shouldn't have to ever do another one. My Dad died less than a week ago. His death was peaceful yet still a shock. I am glad that I got to know my Dad for fifty years. He gave me this compass forty years ago and also made the little wooden box for it. I wore it as a pendant to the funeral service.
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Xanthe Wyse('Zan-thee Wise'). Disclaimer: the author of this blog is not an expert by profession and her opinions should not be taken as expert advice.
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