What does hope look like?

First up, I want to say that Soar Purpose is now a registered trademark. It's relatively inexpensive to trademark in New Zealand and I think it's worth it for a meaningful blog or small business. It's currently a passionate hobby but it has potential to become a business. I've trademarked under class 41: 'Education, entertainment, sports' (ironically I don't like sports but it's all one class). My specified goods and services include book editing and publishing, painting and art instruction. Dreaming big.

I painted 'Healing a Broken Heart' in 2018.

I am currently going through old journals and extracting parts that might be useful for writing Soar Purpose (also the name of a novel). Then burning the journals. I've actually written a lot over the years, even though no one else has seen most of what I have written. I've also at times, destroyed years of my work.

My self-published copyrighted books will be a legacy of years of my work.

I wanted to write this blog post, as something stuck out today, that I wove into the story of my semiautobiographical novel, Pet Purpose: Your Unspoken Voice (my most complex writing effort so far). Soar Purpose is the sequel to Pet Purpose, and I process as I work on it. It will probably take me a few more years to complete. Soar Purpose is also the name I've trademarked as the banner for my creative projects.

Healing a broken heart

I'm up to the part in my journal where I wrote about the painting 'Healing a Broken Heart'. I've since written more than a dozen other journals. All of them will be destroyed in time, as part of the process. Below is an extract from my journal from when I did the painting. Occasionally I cry when I paint. Have edited to disguise people & cull some parts.

   Psychologist noticed last week I had pressure of speech – was a bit elevated. Had migraine past few days & released a few tears. J sees bipolar, trauma and perhaps mild Aspergers/autism.
   Poured a lot of grief emotion into painting ‘Healing a Broken Heart.’ I felt like dying. Red was ruby heart from ring that replace wedding bands. Green emerald snake that smothered heart. Yellow (son). Green & yellow Australia. Painted Payne’s grey as ditch splitting red & green apart. Jagged points into red. Smeared red with knife – pain. Bolt of blue-silver – lighting. Muted red & green with layer of payne’s grey like a fog.       Painted gold leaves representing son growth, hope, dreams (listening to Forest Gump feather theme). After ‘It must have been love.’…childhood trauma – broken heart...near suicide attempt... More muted that my other paintings. Looks oriental.
   Keep having hope, sense of purpose & dreams. Hope my art & writing will inspire others. Currently having trauma therapy. Been sleeping more as pain came to the surface. Sobbed while painting...then the sobbing stopped & I felt I needed to paint hope. My exhibition respresents hope & purpose. My book the same – get the rawness out but then tone down the pain somewhat to make people focus on the hope of survival & healing.
   Struggling with suicidal ideation past few days such as colliding with a truck, which would be messy & probably wouldn’t result in death. But I don’t want to die. Perhaps the truck is metaphor of trauma...

My pschologist asked me: "What does hope look like? Paint hope." That's why I focused more on the healing process rather than the trauma itself with Pet Purpose.
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A voice

The following extracts are from Pet Purpose and are memoir, related to the rest of this blog post. Snowball was the cover for Pet Purpose.

Pet Purpose is available as a paperback and ebook on Amazon. Also as an ebook from major ebook distributors. The main character has bipolar disorder and post-traumatic stress disorder, PTSD and like myself, uses creativity to work though grief and trauma. It was incredibly challenging to complete, with a brain that was 'scrambled' but I was determined and eventually got it to flow. It's like a complex painting with words.