My last blog post on this blog was how avoidance and tangents actually resulted in my getting things done. My last blog post though was on my 'old' blog for Bipolar Courage, because I felt it fit there better: 'My enemies made me stronger'.
Will try keep this blog post as brief as possible.
I'm actually avoiding currently. Avoiding getting back to a project that I am determined to complete in 2023 (my second memoir, Bipolar Courage).
I don't want to harp on much about my diagnoses on this blog. I will mention in this post that I am diagnosed with the avoidance and shutdown presentation of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). I am into my 5th year of treatment and my psychologist has applied to extend therapy to the end of this year.
I have improved a lot, yet I still struggle and I didn't really want to continue with detailing how in my old blog and vlog on bipolarcourage.com. Part of me feels like I could just delete it all but then I put goodness knows how many hours of effort into it. It takes courage to be vulnerable and show the raw stuff.
Recently I have been transitioning away from advocacy stuff (a 15-year journey in all) and I've been hyperfocussed on setting up this website (using self-taught skills). In this blog post, I want to try say how avoidance can actually result in getting stuff done.
I wrote a blog post about being compelled to create. I think everyone has the capacity to be creative in some way or another but for some, like myself, it's comes naturally and is very significant to my wellbeing. It could actually be detrimental to my wellbeing if I had to create for others for commerical purposes with deadlines etc.
The painting below was some years ago. It was my take using a reference photo as a guide (even though my version looks completely different). It was with some lessons with a professional artist, who did not force her style onto any of the students. We could chose what we wanted to paint and our own styles were encouraged. We were also learning skills such as various techniques.
I finished the painting off at home. The boat with the little people was completely improvised to cover the 'dog poop rocks'. The professional artist replied with 'we've all had dog poop rocks.' The fern motif was improvised as well. Improvising is definitely creative problem-solving. Someone adopted that painting but I paint quite differently now, further developing my own style with experimentation.
'Maxwell' (whom I'm writing about in my memoir) said that I'm 'compelled to create.' I was thinking today about what being creative means to me. Of course, this is also a complex interaction with other traits, such as my introversion and mental health struggles (both of which Maxwell also has). I think Maxwell is also a creative, yet hasn't fully untapped his creative potential yet. Some of our shared traits is why we connected, I think. Other than mutual attraction.
Whereas, a creative who is extroverted and who doesn't have mental health struggles may have quite different characteristics. I recall some years back, someone mentored me and said I was yet to fulful my creative potential. This person was right. Now my creative expression is my entire meaning of life.
I'll make a list of creative traits that apply to me. The painting below, Soar Purpose, was inspired by my connection with Maxwell. Which also inspired the title of a novel I am still writing called Soar Purpose and this blog.
My brain is extremely fatigued but I decided to start another blog post anyway. When fatigued, it's much harder to string sentences together, to be understood. However, my blog is minimally edited and an outlet in between my bigger projects. I also forget what I've just written or typed. Yet, it's all a form of processing.
Writing is more challenging for me, as I have clinicially recognised cognitive impairments. I find it easier to paint. I don't actually need to use much cognition at all to paint. It's just improvised on intuition (I usually listen to music that fits my mood so I can process intense themes plus it stops any overthinking). Painting is energising and calming for me at the same time, like meditation in motion. When my brain is too scrambled for words, and I don't know what I'm feeling, painting is my go to.
Kiwis can't fly, right? In this blog post, I want to show that not only can they fly but they can soar. I am a former 'Oz Kiwi' (New Zealand citizen living in Australia) and back home as a 'Kiwi'. Some people have asked me if I'm Australian, even though I don't think I picked up the accent too much.
I want to avoid mention of advocacy and political stuff as much as possible after this blog post (I'm allergic to politics). I had typed yet not published some stuff, so I figured I may as well use some of what I'd processed this past month in this blog post.
It's not well-known that the main advocacy group to bring about major reform, Oz Kiwi, was founded by a disabled woman, who did not personally benefit from it.
Disclaimer: the author of this blog is not an expert by profession and her opinions should not be taken as expert advice.