Don't speak to do speak

Currently listening to music, while deleting raw videos (most of which went onto my now archived vlog as Bipolar Courage. No intentions of writing a blog post. Listening to music makes tedious tasks less tedious. Decluttering my digital files now and again is like decluttering my mind. I have privated a good chunk of the videos, which mainly serve as a library for myself, when I want to check on various themes when I am writing.

I let the songs choose themselves, just skipping if I don't like something. 'Don't Speak' (No Doubt) was playing when I got up to these photos. My old laptop smashed with a sledgehammer. It's symbolic why I did it. I might detail in my novel exactly why I did it. (Clue: diagnosed with shut down presentation of PTSD).

By the way, if you ever want to destroy a laptop like this, remove the lithium battery first (don't hit that). Also the hard-drive and destroy that separately. I also taped the screen in case it shattered.

That laptop was the first 'big ticket' item I'd bought with money I'd earnt. I'd never even owned a phone or bed on my own, previously. My bed arrived today. I don't own a lot but what I do own is mine. No debts.

Anyway, I didn't intend to write a blog post but these pics are pretty significant to me. I also made a note in my journal. I haven't destroyed any journals in the past few years, since I changed the way I journal, to try capture what I might use later, creatively.

Past few weeks, I have been working on retyping and rewriting my second memoir, Bipolar Courage: are you sure you're not autistic? I'm up to the final third, which is still pretty messy. Having a break from it for a bit. After I get these final chapters written, there is just minimal editing then proof-reading. Then formatting, cover design. I do all these stages myself. Proof-reading is pretty tedious. I have at least one online friend keen to take a look to see if I've missed out any words etc.

My goal is to self-publish it this year. If I can keep some kind of momentum going, it might even be within a two months. I have no set deadlines, as I process as I write. Most of the work is actually rearranging what came out of my mind out of order.

When I finally finish that project, my even more challenging goal is to try complete a sequel novel, Soar Purpose. I have some initial drafts, somewhere. I will need to go through my visual diary, paintings, journal etc as memory triggers for the story I want to tell. My intention is to explore fiction territory more than I have before.

On a more personal level, I have surgery booked in a few days, that I've been waiting months for ('semi-urgent' with public system). I am also waiting for an assessment but that could take months. I'm just getting on with things best I can.