Missing you

Shedding some tears, listening to Missing You (John Waite) on a loop, as I am nearing completion of my manuscript for Bipolar Courage: are you sure you're not autistic? It's an unconventional love story.

'Zander' is my son. 'Maxwell' is a man I had an intense connection with. (Not their real names). Both diagnosed Asperger's Syndrome (since merged into Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD). 

I've been separated from Zander since he looked like the portrait. I tend to paint my stories before I write them. I've included a few extracts from my manuscript, below.

Betta Swim & Sunset Boy

extracts from my memoir

Sunset boy:

I started two small abstract paintings, one dark blue, one orange, representing my mixed mood. An abstracted face started to appear into the orange and I realised it was my son. I dug out some of the few photos I had of him and painted a miniature portrait of him, when he was younger. My most realistic portrait painting, ever, which I called Sunset Boy.

Betta Swim:

I painted a betta fish over the blue abstract under silver moonlight and named it Betta Swim. I posted a pic of it with: ‘From the depths of our pain, our art is created. In the process, transforming our pain into purpose. Love keeps us focused on the moonlight, instead of chaotically being swept away. Then, we realise, we can swim.’

Emotionally vulnerable:

The reason I chose ‘Missing You’ as the title for this chapter is after a song by the same name. I’ve listened to several times, telling myself I didn’t miss Maxwell but of course, I did.
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Also, I miss Zander, whose voice I’ve hardly heard anymore. Zander’s voice is now as deep as Maxwell’s. The last pic of him, he has a beard. He looks like a grown man but he told me he still feels like a kid. I am listening to this song on a loop, while I typing this part. I shed a few tears. I’m sad that I missed out on his teenage years.

After I cry with a song, I listen to something else to take me out of the emotion of it. I’ve been told I take people on an emotional roller-coaster with my writing, even if I felt like I was analysing. This is my most emotionally vulnerable book, so far.

Releasing soon

I'm doing the polishing stages of my memoir, which is now an entire manuscript, mostly edited. All going well, I anticipate publishing Bipolar Courage: are you sure you're not autistic? in September 2023 (to Amazon, initially).

The setting is social media. A main theme is: are online relationships real?