Some draft extracts from my memoir, Bipolar Courage: are you sure you're not autistic? Expecting to self-publish it by September 2023. The memoir focuses on my connection with 'Maxwell'. I was fascinated by his complexity. I'd met my equal as far as complexity goes and I wanted to figure out how Maxwell ticked, as well as figuring out my own mind. I think I've succeeded doing this, hence I am excited about the book, which shows the big picture as well as the details. I want to do this story justice. I've spent a lot of time, writing and rewriting, to make sure I haven't romanticised the story too much. I first heard the term antihero (or anti-hero) from the Taylor Swift song. I don't particularly like her music but that song is quite edgy. When I looked up an antihero, one definition was that an antihero is someone who has heroic traits from some people's perspectives and is a villain from other's. Heroic attributes include courage and morality. The antihero is seen as exhibiting some 'dark triad' traits (any of narcissism, psychopathy, Machiavelliaism). The antihero is the central point of conflict in the story. Dark sideDraft extract:
I worked on my manuscript and shared extracts to a closed space, always saying ‘Maxwell’. I’ve never said publicly who Maxwell is. Heather, a mature woman, and I had chatted a few times about diagnoses. I hadn't seen her been involved in any drama. I asked if she'd guessed who Maxwell was, based on what I’d said so far. She said she had no idea. When I told her, she said, ‘I can’t stop laughing, as I had a bias that he was a wholesome young man. I can see how it was both healing and toxic for you.’ Heather said she would have guessed straight away if I had mentioned some details that I deliberately left out. I knew people were polarised about Maxwell – either admired him or loathed him, yet still obsessed with him. One of the reasons I’ve never named him is so that no one can prove that it is. He could always deny anyway. He’s not so much a hero but an antihero in my story, which I understand to be a central character who lacks conventional heroic attributes. ‘I’ve never talked to him,’ said Heather. ‘I followed him because I despise these cultlike ideologies which he opposes. I was rather intrigued by his edgy politics. He sold himself as innocent but it seems he had a dark side, lost side, sad side. That’s so freaky.’
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